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Golf and Kids
Posted by Bil Dwyer
Did you know that Golf is a game that you can play with your kids? OH YEAH, it is. And don’t be afraid to get them started young. If a kid loves golf by the age of four, he won’t mind getting a job by the time he’s seven. Sure, you could get him or her into show business, but that’s a gamble, like room temperature oysters. My suggestion: chimney sweep! You tell a kid that he gets to put on a tuxedo, and climb up on a roof, AND get dirty? Just try and keep that kid in the house. And then on the weekend, after you’ve skirted the local child labor law violations, take that kid out for a round of golf. Just make sure he washes his hands because kids are filthy even if they aren’t chimney sweeps. I’m Bil Dwyer, and remember- a spoonful of sugar helps that bogey go down. Or some scotch. That helps, too.

Relationships and Golf
Posted by Bil Dwyer

Get that gal of yours out on the golf course. Nothing like a lady who can swing a club out on the links. I’ll tell you what- it makes that gal way sexier if she’s got a decent swing. Say you’ve been with your sweetheart for a while. A long while. Maybe you’re a little tired of each other. Maybe, hell! You are bored silly with each other. You two head out onto the golf course. Or maybe the range first. The ladies really like the range. No pressure, plenty of room, and they are just enamored with the Astroturf. They love that stuff! And the first time they really connect with a three-wood- not the driver, it’s too much for them, it really is- they will be hooked. And watch the excitement meter in your relationship rocket up to 83- on an ascending scale with 105 being the ultimate. And once everybody’s comfortable, you’ve got to start playing for something. Chores, sex, shaving patterns- you pick. But you can’t play your loved one for money. Money is for the two of you. You save your money, and exercise that imagination. I’m Bil Dwyer, and I’ll see you and your loved one here at The Range Show.

Wrists and The Golf Swing
Posted by Bil Dwyer

I just read an article by a scientist that claims the wrists are not that important in a golf swing. Now, before you head out and schedule some sort of wrist reduction, or God help us, wrist removal surgery, let’s think about this rationally. You take your wrists out of the equation via removal and what happens? You got no place for your wristwatch. Do you want to carry a pocket watch your whole life? That means always wearing a button-down vest with a pocket. Are you prepared to commit to that look for the rest of your life? What about your shirts? You get your wrists removed, all of a sudden- everything’s too long. If you have a good tailor, like I do, then you just bring them in to him, and he alters them no problem. But he’ll be full of questions. “Whya youa getta ridda you wristsa?” Someday I’ll figure out that accent. Look, God designed us as perfect golfing machines. Every part where it ought to be. Every part a function. It’s a golfing assembly line, with a tan. That’s why you never see Cher golfing. She had that rib removed- she’s been fighting a snap hook ever since. I’m Bil Dwyer, every inch of me original parts, and thanks for checking out The Range Show.

Swinging Easy
Posted by Bil Dwyer

Plenty of times you’ve probably heard someone tell you to swing easy, and let the club do the work. Sure, these people think they’re helping you, but they’re not helping you. A lot of advice is just no good at all. Not just on the golf course, but in life. Have you ever had someone tell you to take up the trapeze? Well I have, and I foolishly listened to him. So I buy the equipment, set up the gear- the ladder, the net, the swings in my sweet backyard, and you know what I find out? You really need another trapeze artist when you’re horsing around on the trapeze. You really can’t do it by yourself. Not at all. Lesson learned. And that lesson is “Don’t listen to every piece of advice you hear.” ‘Let the club do the work.’ Try this. Grab a club, lay it on the ground, put it as close to a golf ball as you want, and watch. Has it done any work yet? Keep watching. Anything? The club can’t do the work. YOU do the work. You just make sure that club is paying attention to what you say. My club always pays attention to what I say. And you know what I usually say?
“Make this shot as pretty as these sweet calves of mine.”
And I whisper it too. There’s no need to shout. How about that? It always listens. It knows it’s master, and it obeys…like the mighty Excalibur. And as my ball soars through the air, I am once again reminded why I am King.

I’m Lord Bil Dwyer, and I shall see thee on: Thy Range.

Posted by Bil Dwyer

There’s so much talk about “visualization.” Visualize the shot you want to hit. Visualize the ball in the air. Visualize the club striking the ball. I got to tell you- that is a lot to fake-see. Some people spend too much time visualizing and not enough time hitting. Instead of visualizing, know your shot. Just know it. Meet it sometime before the round if you have to. Get familiar with the shot. Know the shot’s middle name. Have some drinks with the shot. Have a shot with the shot, for cripes sake. But know the shot! Hey, I know my friend Tommy “Two Gloves” Gainey. I don’t have to see him to know him. I also know that he hits the ball like a young Arnold Palmer. There’s something to visualize: a young Arnold Palmer. Oh young Arnie, with his infectious smile, that blazing follow-through, those forearms of persimmon, and believe me that’s a much better thing to visualize than a straight, soaring golf shot. Golly, there’s a million better things to visualize. How about a nice Italian beef sandwich, with the juice on the side? A big schooner that’s been frosted. That’s a great visualization. Or Elvis on a tractor. Visualize that! How about a great hat? Not just any hat, but one just for you. One that fits perfectly, that you’ve never seen on anyone else, ‘cept maybe Tiger. Just you and Tiger, hat buddies. It’s okay, you can be a little selfish with your own visualization. Remember, it’s a simple game if you don’t listen to too many people. Not like cricket. I tell you, I don’t get that sport at all. Yeah you heard me Dennis Lillee! I do not get your sport! Visualize that!

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